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Mar 22, 2018 - 12:41 PM

Who I Am (6) ~ I Remember

I lie in my bed watching the ceiling and think of the extraordinary rookie. I want to know what the story behind the cold is. But how can I possibly find out without asking?

Despite all the stories I heard about him, I only believe my own eyes. A few things rumored about him are very true: he's quiet, he's a loner and he's a stunning basketball player.

But still, I don't think he's nothing more than the cold person who only cares about basketball. And I know for sure after today. Something is bothering him. It must be something he's been hiding for everyone else. Maybe even himself...

I don't know why I care so much. Perhaps because the look in his eyes was so familiar. But it might be just a stupid thought of me, maybe there wasn't anything at all. Maybe he's just that cold person that everyone sees.

Then my thoughts go to my brother, to the moment before we left the gym, when he held me against him. It felt so trusted and so warm. I remember I felt my heart pounding in my whole body and my hand held his strongly.

Something buried deep in my memories is trying to crawl to the surface. But I can't remember what it really is. Maybe I'm just tired from the shooting competition. But my uneasiness grows and I turn on my side.

"What's wrong with me?" I ask myself several times after rolling in bed from side to side for hours. "What is it in my head?"

I don't know if I'm conscious anymore as I see images (or visions) before my eyes. Those were images of me when I was little. I was on my brother's side, holding his hand as we walk to school together.

My head feels dizzy or is it just a dream? I feel asleep and yet awake, just like you would feel when you're having a heavy fever. I think I see a cold glance slowly fades into a pair of familiar warm eyes. Then a deep voice calls me name. I've always loved to listen to his voice...

"Shizuri! Hey, sleepy head, wake up! We're gonna be late again!" as I hear soft knocks on my bedroom door.

My head aches as I try to sit up straight.

I rub my eyes and moan from the headache. Then an image flashes before my eyes, which I cannot clearly see, but I think it was something with the small court nearby. Or was it...?

Then a sudden rush of blood rises to my head. I feel like I'm waking up from a nightmare that caught me in fear... My breath stagnates in my dry throat and tears burn in my eyes.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here gazing to the emptiness before my brother knocks on the door again. "Hey girl, are you okay?" he pauses and continues: "At least let me know that you're awake..."

I open my mouth to speak but find myself unable to make a sound.

Then the door opens and in the doorway stands my brother. He is wearing his junior high jersey and even his hair is longer again. His smile turns into a frown and his mouth speaks. But I hear nothing and I try to read his lips.

I gasp so loud that I must have wakened myself. My breaths are deep and heavy. My head still aches like hell, so I haven't dreamt about that part for sure. I don't know what was dream and what was reality.

"Hey girl, are you okay?" his deep voice asks.

I nearly freeze instantly, but I'm just able to put myself together to reply: "Yes, I'm coming."

His footsteps slowly move away from the door and I hear him going downstairs. I take a deep breath and step out of bed. Half sleeping I take off my tank top and shorts to change on the neat blouse and skirt. The uniform was another thing that I have to get used to again.

When I look in the mirror I vaguely remember (or see, damn headache) a silhouette standing next to me. He's a sportsman and an athlete. And he's my brother. My reflection shows tears running down my cheeks.

"Why are you crying, Shizuri?" An invisible and silent voice asks me.

"Because... because I've finally remembered..."

~~ And as the sun would set, you would rise, fall from the sky into paradise. Is there no light in your heart for me? You've closed your eyes, you no longer see. ~~

--> To Chapter 7.